Tonight I went out to have dinner all by myself. You are probably thinking to yourself, "So what? Big deal!" It was a big deal to me. I have been 'single' for nearly a year and a half. In all of that time, and in fact for my entire life, I have never gone out to eat alone. If I didn't have someone else to go eat with me I would just get take out and eat at home. I just had the thought that if I was sitting there all alone that people would pity me. So, I just never did it to save myself from my perceived possible humiliation.
Today I ran all over the place. I got my hair done, got my car detailed and then went and had my car tuned up. By the end of the day I was starving. I grabbed my phone to order take out while waiting for my car to be finished. But, I changed my mind.
When my car was finished I decided to go to Denny's. It was close, it was fast and I could leave if I had to. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was that there were two other people sitting alone at booths. All of a sudden I wasn't the lone person there. All of a sudden I wasn't so strange, or different. I ordered my dinner and ate alone. I didn't feel embarrassed. I didn't feel as if people were pitying me. It seemed perfectly normal.
I know all of this probably seems trivial to you. But, for years I had been made to feel I was worthless and hated. This was the very first time in my life I did something I wanted to do without feeling like it had to be with someone else.
This was a good experience, promising, insightful and hopeful. I can be alone and be happy. I am not different. I am worth something.
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