117. Memorial Day 2013

Today is Memorial day.  The kids, Kristin, Matthew, Megan and the dogs all came over.  We really had a blast in the pool.

I want to have them over as much as I can because I know I won't be here much longer.  I really don't think I'll miss the house too much.  There's been so much sadness here that I've wanted to move for a very long time.

For now I'll just enjoy the opportunity to have my kids here with me and be happy.

116. Mark Still Blames Me For Everything

I brought our home safe in to work today.  The dial is an electronic lock.  Mark had changed the combination so I couldn't get in.  I was quite sure there was nothing really in there, but decided I needed to check.

The guys said there was no way to open it without drilling it open.  What luck, we are a locksmith company.  So, Megan helped me put it in my car and I brought it in.

We decided to try every single combo we could before drilling: birthdays, anniversaries, etc.  We must have had 30 different codes to try.  The lock "locks you out" after 3 tries for 10 minutes.  The guys suggested I call Len and see if he had the combination.   If you remember, Mark had told Len how to break into our house the day after he was arrested.  The guys figured that maybe he gave Len the combination too.

115. My Phone Conference With My Attorney, Curtis

My divorce attorney, Curtis Witters, had sent me an email on Monday.  He asked me to let him know the outcome of the bond hearing.  I emailed him back after the hearing explaining that Mark was not given bond and would not be released.  He responded back with this email:

I called Paula right after I got the email.  She set up our phone conference for today at 10 AM.

114. Another Hearing - Face to Face With Mark

My anxiety from Monday's bond hearing finally was back to normal today.  Just in time to go to another hearing and to see Mark again.  Only this time he was 10 feet away.

When I originally found out that Mark had requested a bond hearing I immediately went to the court and filed a petition to modify my restraining order to include "exclusive use" of my house.

In hindsight, it was a silly thing to do.  It was just a knee jerk reaction I suppose.  Because, in reality, had Mark gotten out I most likely would have left Florida.  I realized that after I filed for the petition, but by then it was too late.  Once you file for modification you must appear.  If you don't appear then you are in contempt of court and can be arrested. 

113. Mark's Bond Hearing - Take 2 - Incredible Stress and Relief

After last week, and what turned out to be a dress rehearsal of Mark's bail hearing, I really thought I would be far less stressed for today's hearing.  I was wrong.

I knew I had to be up at 6 AM so last night I went to bed early.  I laid in bed.  My heart was beating so fast and hard I could actually hear the pounding sound in my head.  I got up 3 different times.  I finally fell asleep after 2 AM.

112. Making Sense of Non-Sense

You already know I was pretty depressed last night if you read my blog entry from yesterday.  That was then.  This is now.

I don't write much about my counseling appointments.  I have had them every single week since Mark was arrested with the exception of a couple of times due to date conflicts.  I look forward to seeing Amber.  She has a way of making me think differently.  Every time I leave my session I always feel more confident, happier, and have much less guilt.

111. Overwhelming Sadness

Well, the states attorney has not responded to my email yet.  I hate to feel like I am being bothersome or pushy, but Mark's bail hearing is Monday.  That's just four days.

If she hasn't contacted the North Palm Beach police at least by tomorrow then I doubt anyone will be there.

110. More Evidence for the States Attorney

If you read my blog post from yesterdays bail hearing then you already know it is postponed until Monday pending a psych evaluation.  You also know it did not go well.

Today, I decided to write an email to the states attorney and some questions and give her more evidence.

109. Mark's Bond Hearing - Take 1

I slept pretty well last night considering I knew Mark's bail hearing was happening this morning.  I only woke up once in the middle of the night.  It was when I got up at 6 AM that my trouble started.  I felt nauseous and started throwing up.  I know it is was just stress.

Joe, Pat and I were all meeting at Chris's house at 7:30 AM.  Pat didn't show up until 7:45 which made my stomach feel worse.  We all were riding together to be at the hearing so we didn't have any choice but to wait.  Pat drove us all to the courthouse in his car.  We made it just as court was starting at 8:30 AM.

Judge Rapp was supposed to be the judge.  He was the judge at Gun Club Hearing back in March that called Mark's message "scary" and gave him no bond.  Judge Rapp wasn't there. Another judge was doing the cases today.  I was bummed about that.

108. Jitters the Day Before the Hearing

I got more messages on Facebook message from Ryan today.  While I am thrilled to hear from him I will admit it is a bit confusing at the same time.

Anyway, his messages were as follows:

107. A Wonderful Mother's Day 2013

Today is Mother's Day, 2013.  I had a wonderful day with the girls and Matthew.  I also got a wonderful surprise.  I got a Mother's Day message from Ryan.

I am feeling much better today.  Megan got home right when I finished writing my blog post last night and we watched a movie together.

Megan and I met Kristin and Matthew at Ruby Tuesday at the Gardens Mall for lunch.  We all had a very nice time together.  Matthew is such a joy.

106. Pre Mother's Day Blues

I am extremely down tonight.  It is Saturday night and I am at the house all alone.  Megan is working tonight and probably will go out afterwards.

Loneliness allows my mind starts to wander.  I think about the things Mark and I have done together throughout our marriage.  I try very hard to think about the 'good times' and yes there were some.  Even so, the abuse always seems to creep back into my thoughts.

105. Attitude Changes and Carpentry

Yesterday, I printed Jenica's email to me right before I was leaving for the mediation.  I tossed the email up on the counter.  Next, I announced to the guys they should read it.  I put it there specifically for Joe's benefit.  

This morning I had a dentist appointment to have my crown put on.  It seems while I was at my appointment Chris and Pat had a long talk with Joe about the hearing.

104. More Panic and Mediation

Mark's and my court appointed divorce mediation was today at the main West Palm Beach Courthouse.  It wasn't scheduled until 2:30 PM, so I went to work in the morning.

I decided to check the court docket to see if anything had been updated on Mark's case.



Of course, when I saw this I went into an instant panic. It meant that on Tuesday, in 5 days, the judge would decide of Mark would be out on bail.

103. Time To Learn To Count My Blessings

I am at home all alone tonight.  Megan is working.  DirecTV cancelled Mark's subscription and won't let me get an new account in my own name unless I pay his off.  I don't have $530 to do that. Not to mention I really don't want to.  So, we no longer have TV.

Our tenants are not paying rent again.  Looks like I may have to start an eviction.  I so do not need this.

The house payment has not been paid in a month now.  Chase has started to make their calls.  I haven't returned the calls, because I am still waiting to see if Mark will agree to short sale the house.

My mediation with Mark at the courthouse tomorrow.  I do not have high hopes that much will happen.

I guess it is obvious I am a bit down tonight.  I am doing my best to 'look at the bright side' of things.  I'm alive and have a wonderful family.  Who could want more?

102. What Do You Mean You Won't Testify?

There are people who could be witness to a rape, robbery or something else horrific, yet would turn around and walk the other way.  They say, "I don't want to get involved."  Maybe they are scared that person will go after them too.  I am not sure.  I just know I am not that type of person.  I'd help.

When I talked to the states attorney, Jenica on Friday, I told her about how Mark had also threatened the life Karen Walter, Mark's ex-wife.  This shows that there is a pattern of death threats by Mark.  Karen tried to get a restraining order, but it was refused.  Back in 1993/4 there was no Facebook, text messages and cellphones.  Not to mention, at that time stalking was not looked at as it is today.  Karen's request for the restraining order is still in the court's records.  Jenica asked for Karen's home number.  She didn't know if she would need to talk to her or not.  I called Karen to let her know that Jenica might call and she said she was fine with talking to her.

101. Did Mark Just Lose Kristin Too?

I mentioned earlier today that today is Kristin's usual day to visit Mark.  Today was no different.  She went to see Mark when I was packing to move home.

Chris had told me that he felt it was the right thing to do when I decided to move out.  He wasn't saying it out of malice.  He felt that if I were to continue to stay under these circumstances there was a possibility Kristin's and my relationship could be destroyed because of Mark.

What was different about today was that Chris had a long talk with Kristin before she went to see Mark.  I had previously told you that Kristin refused to listen to the recordings of Mark.  She ignored his horrific Facebook posts.  I wasn't allowed to talk about him.  It seemed today Chris had enough.

100. The History of Key Lime Drive

Today is Sunday.  Of course that means Kristin went to visit Mark.  Me, on the other hand, am moving home for the first time since I left on November 28, 2012.

I had been packing things for a few days.  Today I only needed to put them in my car.  I grabbed my parrot and my dog after I finished loading up my car.  Then I headed to my house.

You would think I would be happy to have my own place again.  The house is relatively cleaned up.  I have Megan to stay with me. Yet, all of the way driving to the house I cried.

99. The States Attorney Calls Me

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My day was a pretty normal day.  That all changed around 3 PM.  The states attorney, Jenica, called me. It was then my day went from calm to hyper stressful.

Jenica started the conversation with some very pointed and puzzling questions:

Jenica: "Are you and your husband still getting divorced?"

98. We're Going To Trial

Yup, you are reading that right.  We are going to trial.  As I said on Monday, Mark decided to plead "Not Guilty" and risk his fate with a jury.

As you can see from the court docket his trial is August 26th.  I only hope he doesn't get out on bond before then.  At least that way I'll have four more months of peace.

Oh, and I finally made the decision to move home. I'll be moving on Sunday.