All of the guys were standing in the back chatting when I got to work today. One of them mentioned that Ryan, my step-son, had been in the day before. He lives in one of our apartments attached to the building, so it isn't uncommon for him to drop in.
One of them said that they were surprised at what Ryan had mentioned about what his mother said. I said, "What did she say?" I honestly can't remember who was talking anymore. What I heard sent my head reeling.
If you remember back when I had left my home, Karen, Ryan's mother was actually an advocate for me. She talked to me many times about what I was going through. She told me about how she tried to file a restraining order against Mark for his threats. She reminded me that he was very mentally and verbally abusive to her. Karen mentioned that she was still afraid of what Mark might do if he got out. She told me I should move out of my kids home because I was putting their life and my grandson in danger. So, imagine my surprise when I heard what she had said.
OK OK you want to know what she said? Well, I was told Ryan mentioned that his mother felt that Mark should be able to get out. He said his mom felt Mark shouldn't have to go to prison. He has been punished enough.
Pick. Me. Up. Off. Of. The. Floor.
I swear I don't think I have had an instantaneous reaction as I did at the moment, ever. I could feel my heart racing and my face getting red. I just sat there shaking my head saying, "No, no, that can't be right?" All of them assured me that was exactly what Ryan said.
As I am writing this tonight I have calmed down and had time to reflect. I didn't ask Ryan about it. Perhaps he misunderstood her. I guess it's just that if what he said was true then I'll no longer be able to talk to her, or give her any further information.
I don't know why I put so much worry into what anyone else thinks. I'm the one living through this. I'm the one that he will go after when he gets out.
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