148. The Most Wonderful Christmas Ever

This honestly was the most amazing Christmas for me.  It's the first time in over a decade that I looked forward to Christmas.  And, we had it at my new place this year which is also a huge change.  I haven't had Christmas at my house for several years.

The tree you see above was put up by my daughter Megan and myself right after Thanksgiving dinner when we got home.  I couldn't believe how excited I was to decorate this year.  At the old house, I had 3 foot, pre-decorated fake Kmart tree at the old house.  Every year I would pull the tree out of a closet and plop it on the formal dining room table.  That tree, a couple of snow globes and a few strands of garland has been the extent of my decorating since 2005.

147. Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Get Out of Solitary

Today was Mark's rescheduled 'status' hearing.  If you read Friday's post then you will understand why this was rescheduled.

I did not attend the hearing.  But, I did send an email to Jenica, the states attorney, to find out what happened.  She was in court all day, but emailed me back in the afternoon to let me know the outcome.

146. Mark Freaked Out The Poor Judge

Susan, one of my victims advocates, called me today.  She went to Mark's 'status' check this morning to reschedule Mark's trial.  Mark was in the courtroom, but the original judge, Judge Rapp, was not there.

Susan said a substitute judge went ahead and started the hearing.  Mark's public defender was the first to talk.  She requested that Mark's phone privileges be reinstated so he could be moved from solitary to general population in the jail.  She gave the expected speech of how Mark has been a model inmate and does not pose a threat.

145. A Conversation With The States Attorney

The status hearing to reschedule Mark's trial is scheduled for Friday.

Jenica, the states attorney, called me today. She had a lot to tell me.  She said that she spoke with the Public Defender on Tuesday.  The conversation was both enlightening and scary at the same time,

The first thing the public defender told Jenica was will be requesting that Mark be granted phone privileges again - with the exception of me and the guys at my work.

144. Today Is My Dad's 84th Birthday

Today is my dad's 84th birthday. I wish I could say he is doing better, but he is still anxious and depressed.  He has a doctors appoint for the sleep center in 3 days.  I only hope they can help,

143. I Learned So Much At Counseling Today

My counseling appointment with Amber was wonderful today.  When I first got there I had all kinds of mixed emotions.  It's so hard to explain to people all of the feelings I have, but Amber really understands.

Every single day I feel as though I am taking a step forward.  Yet, I am always conflicted about all of the feelings I have.  Is it strange that I feel guilty for being happy?  Is it wrong that I don't miss Mark at all?  We were together for 18 years.  Should I feel bad in some way?  And, why is it I feel so content now being all by myself.  I have no desire at all to date, or be in any type of relationship.  I actually wake up feeling happy even though there is still so much conflict in my life.