Every single day I feel as though I am taking a step forward. Yet, I am always conflicted about all of the feelings I have. Is it strange that I feel guilty for being happy? Is it wrong that I don't miss Mark at all? We were together for 18 years. Should I feel bad in some way? And, why is it I feel so content now being all by myself. I have no desire at all to date, or be in any type of relationship. I actually wake up feeling happy even though there is still so much conflict in my life.
Amber explained to me that it means I am starting to heal. She said I have spent most of my life trying to make the men in my life happy. She said that life is not about making others happy. Life is about sharing your happiness with others. She said there is nothing wrong with me being happy all alone. She said that sometimes you need to be alone to reflect on life. I am doing this all now without the abuse.
When I sold my house I was so down. It wasn't so much that I even wanted to be there. It was just I was I was losing everything we had worked so hard for through no fault of my own. Amber told me that sometimes you've got to emotionally let go of the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pains they bring you, and open the next chapter in your life. And, that is exactly what is happening.
Amber reminded me that moving on doesn't mean forgetting the past. It means you choose happiness over hurt. She told me that I just need to take all the time I need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn't take a day; it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.
She made me realize that I am slowly, but surely, moving on and there's nothing wrong with that. She told me that someday I just might meet someone that I really do want to be with that will treat me the way I should have always been treated.
For now, I'm just happy learning to be happy with myself.
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