This honestly was the most amazing Christmas for me. It's the first time in over a decade that I looked forward to Christmas. And, we had it at my new place this year which is also a huge change. I haven't had Christmas at my house for several years.
The tree you see above was put up by my daughter Megan and myself right after Thanksgiving dinner when we got home. I couldn't believe how excited I was to decorate this year. At the old house, I had 3 foot, pre-decorated fake Kmart tree at the old house. Every year I would pull the tree out of a closet and plop it on the formal dining room table. That tree, a couple of snow globes and a few strands of garland has been the extent of my decorating since 2005.
I have dreaded the thought of Christmas for the past decade. I would see people start the 'count down' in October and my stomach would turn. I tried to justify my feelings by believing it was in relation to the death of my mother. However, that was a long time ago (1992). And, to be honest, these feelings got much worse after we built and moved into the house in 2003. It wasn't until just very recently, and nine months of counseling, that I realized I really still do love Christmas. Just knowing that Mark wouldn't be there made a world of difference. There was no arguing, no humiliation, no put downs, and the thought not having to worry about what Mark might 'do' or 'say' made a world of difference.
Shopping for gifts, preparing for Christmas dinner, decorating all were joyful to me this year. I quite honestly can't remember feeling this way for so very long, if ever. And, today all of my kids and grandson were with me at my new place. We had such a wonderful day. There were a few faux pas, but none that amounted to much. In fact, those that did happen cracked us all up.
Over all, my first Christmas being "Markless" (a new term I just created) was just wonderful.
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