97. A Night For Big Decisions

My day started out terrific.  I had my appointment with Meier's Orthodontist.  He is the 4th person I have seen to discuss how to fix my teeth.  From the moment I walked in there I just knew this practice was the perfect one.  And, I was right.

The people were all awesome.  The nurse was amazing.  Dr. Meier's was tremendous.  I was there for about an hour and a half.  After the x-rays the doctor told me he could make my smile back to beautiful in about 8 months!  The best thing is, my dental insurance will cover part of it.

It was very busy at work today.  The day just flew by.  I picked up Kristin today, because her Jeep was in the shop.  We picked up dinner and came home.  After we at it started off just as any other normal night.  We put Matty to bed, then sat to watch a few shows.  During a commercial while watching "The Mentalist", Kristin and I got to talking.  I was 'testing the waters' and mentioned I may be moving back to the house with Megan.  She didn't seem upset at all, which just makes me believe it would be the right choice.

96. He Pled Not Guilty!

The title says it all! Seriously?  He please "not guilty?" For REAL? Not only that, he is asking for a jury trial?

I don't even know what to say about this! Well, yes I can.  Wait until the jury hears the recordings!

95. Jail Visit Again, Visiting Megan and Plans to Move

Sunday again. It's Kristin's weekly visit to see Mark again. I'm getting used to her going.  I try my very best to not let it bother me.

I have to admit my feelings were very hurt when she was so angry with me last night about me wanting to change my name.  I would hope my oldest daughter would applaud me and say, "GO MOM" instead of make me feel like I was doing something evil.  But, as I explained yesterday, she is still trying to keep the hope alive.

94. Diana Rae Walter No More

Did I ever tell you back in January my old attorney, Robin, had asked me if I wanted to change my name?

I told her no.   At the time I was such an emotional basket case.  And, to be quite honest, I still was trying to figure out a way to "rescue" Mark.  Teaching an enabler how not to enable is a long journey.  But, I digress.

Somewhere in all of the barrage of recordings, Facebook messages, text messages, and emails he informed me I did not "deserve" to have his last name.  I ignored that statement (for the reasons explained above) until now.

93. Why Are You Panicking - AGAIN!?

I like to think of myself as a logical person.  I do my best to remain calm in most situations.  Lately, I have found that no matter how grounded you are it is impossible to control your emotions.  I had  tried to keep my stress at a minimum last night, but still woke up several times. And, today I had the ultimate panic attack.

Today was supposed to be Mark's arraignment at 1:30 P.M. at the Palm Beach County Sheriff Department courthouse on Gun Club road.  I had a dentist appointment to be fitted for a crown, so that took my mind off of everything for the first part of the morning.  But, I could feel myself getting slightly more stressed as 1:30 rolled around.

I kept reminding myself, 'Diana STOP IT!.'  You are signed up for the VINE program.  You have Susan -(your victim's advocate), Jen - (your states attorney) and of course you can call the jail at anytime for updates. Right?

92. The Mediation That Didn't Happen

Today was supposed to be my divorce mediation at the Palm Beach County jail with Mark.  While I had dreaded this day, I was also relieved to get this part over with,   I stressed all night last night just thinking about it.  Thankfully, my attorney went to great lengths to set it up so I wouldn't have to actually see Mark.

Curtis (my attorney) arranged the meeting so that we each would be in different rooms and the mediator would go between each room to ask questions for each of us.  I was very happy to hear this.  I have not seen Mark at all since February 24th.  I really don't want to.

91. Another Sunday. Another Jail Visit.

It's Sunday, so Kristin went to see Mark.  I know he is her dad.  And, I also know she feels sorry for him.  It is just hard on me to feel like she is an advocate for him.  He abused her too in all of this, as well as throughout the years.

My counselor, Amber, did explain to me that Mark is a master manipulator.  He chooses people that have an enabler mentality (just like me).  He knows Kristin has a good  heart.  She wants to help him in hopes that he will "get better."  What she doesn't see yet is that he uses people to get what he needs.  I hope she does in time.