100. The History of Key Lime Drive

Today is Sunday.  Of course that means Kristin went to visit Mark.  Me, on the other hand, am moving home for the first time since I left on November 28, 2012.

I had been packing things for a few days.  Today I only needed to put them in my car.  I grabbed my parrot and my dog after I finished loading up my car.  Then I headed to my house.

You would think I would be happy to have my own place again.  The house is relatively cleaned up.  I have Megan to stay with me. Yet, all of the way driving to the house I cried.

95. Jail Visit Again, Visiting Megan and Plans to Move

Sunday again. It's Kristin's weekly visit to see Mark again. I'm getting used to her going.  I try my very best to not let it bother me.

I have to admit my feelings were very hurt when she was so angry with me last night about me wanting to change my name.  I would hope my oldest daughter would applaud me and say, "GO MOM" instead of make me feel like I was doing something evil.  But, as I explained yesterday, she is still trying to keep the hope alive.

92. The Mediation That Didn't Happen

Today was supposed to be my divorce mediation at the Palm Beach County jail with Mark.  While I had dreaded this day, I was also relieved to get this part over with,   I stressed all night last night just thinking about it.  Thankfully, my attorney went to great lengths to set it up so I wouldn't have to actually see Mark.

Curtis (my attorney) arranged the meeting so that we each would be in different rooms and the mediator would go between each room to ask questions for each of us.  I was very happy to hear this.  I have not seen Mark at all since February 24th.  I really don't want to.

91. Another Sunday. Another Jail Visit.

It's Sunday, so Kristin went to see Mark.  I know he is her dad.  And, I also know she feels sorry for him.  It is just hard on me to feel like she is an advocate for him.  He abused her too in all of this, as well as throughout the years.

My counselor, Amber, did explain to me that Mark is a master manipulator.  He chooses people that have an enabler mentality (just like me).  He knows Kristin has a good  heart.  She wants to help him in hopes that he will "get better."  What she doesn't see yet is that he uses people to get what he needs.  I hope she does in time.

87. Kristin at Gun Club Visiting Mark

Kristin went to visit Mark again today.  I guess I should just get used to it as she feels as though she wants to help him.  However, I know first hand that someone that doesn't think there is anything wrong with them usually won't accept help.

I know it makes her feel better going there.  As I expressed a long time ago, Mark really has no one but us.  Now that he doesn't have me, the only one left is Kristin.  Now that I am in counseling I have learned only he is responsible for the predicament he is in.  It is not my fault.  I may still feel badly for him, but I didn't cause it and certainly cannot help him.  Kristin isn't to that point yet.

Kristin is an adult.  I have to let her make her own decisions.  I will admit it hurts to feel that my oldest daughter is an advocate for a man that has threatened to kill me and accused me of molesting her son.

Perhaps in time Kristin will realize he is the only person that can help himself.  Perhaps she will realize that most of the things he says are to benefit only him.

84. Mark's First Appearance Hearing at Gun Club

There was a hearing this morning at the Gun Club Courthouse jail.   Mark's public defender wasn't there.  

The State Attorney called me to let me know that the judge continued 'no bail' for Mark.  She said his public defender would have to notify her of a bond hearing if he wants to try to get bail.  Mark doesn't have the money for bail even if it were granted in the future.

She also told me they consolidated my charges with the City of Riviera Beach charges.  Mark's next hearing will be his arraignment on April 23rd.

81. Kristin Talked About Her Visit With Mark

Kristin actually talked to me for the first time today about her visit with Mark on Saturday. She was the one that started the conversation, so I guess she wanted to talk about it.  She told me all about going to see him.

She also admitted that it's very hard on her, because it seems like every man that was her "dad" has verbally abused her. She seem to want so much for him to be okay, for her daddy to be okay.

Kristin told me Mark is in the senior area. So, it's pretty safe.  He told her to tell me, " Tell your mom I love & miss her."  She isn't supposed to do that.  I let this time slide, because it's the first time she has talked to me about him.

79. Apartment Hunting and Jail Visits

I'll take door #1 Alex!

Last night Kristin berated me again.  I  really don't post too much the things she says to me, because it is very hurtful.  She is so very very sweet to everyone.  And, most of the time she is sweet to me too.  But, there are many times she takes the opportunity to 'talk down to me' and I just don't know what to say or do.