111. Overwhelming Sadness

Well, the states attorney has not responded to my email yet.  I hate to feel like I am being bothersome or pushy, but Mark's bail hearing is Monday.  That's just four days.

If she hasn't contacted the North Palm Beach police at least by tomorrow then I doubt anyone will be there.

109. Mark's Bond Hearing - Take 1

I slept pretty well last night considering I knew Mark's bail hearing was happening this morning.  I only woke up once in the middle of the night.  It was when I got up at 6 AM that my trouble started.  I felt nauseous and started throwing up.  I know it is was just stress.

Joe, Pat and I were all meeting at Chris's house at 7:30 AM.  Pat didn't show up until 7:45 which made my stomach feel worse.  We all were riding together to be at the hearing so we didn't have any choice but to wait.  Pat drove us all to the courthouse in his car.  We made it just as court was starting at 8:30 AM.

Judge Rapp was supposed to be the judge.  He was the judge at Gun Club Hearing back in March that called Mark's message "scary" and gave him no bond.  Judge Rapp wasn't there. Another judge was doing the cases today.  I was bummed about that.

106. Pre Mother's Day Blues

I am extremely down tonight.  It is Saturday night and I am at the house all alone.  Megan is working tonight and probably will go out afterwards.

Loneliness allows my mind starts to wander.  I think about the things Mark and I have done together throughout our marriage.  I try very hard to think about the 'good times' and yes there were some.  Even so, the abuse always seems to creep back into my thoughts.

91. Another Sunday. Another Jail Visit.

It's Sunday, so Kristin went to see Mark.  I know he is her dad.  And, I also know she feels sorry for him.  It is just hard on me to feel like she is an advocate for him.  He abused her too in all of this, as well as throughout the years.

My counselor, Amber, did explain to me that Mark is a master manipulator.  He chooses people that have an enabler mentality (just like me).  He knows Kristin has a good  heart.  She wants to help him in hopes that he will "get better."  What she doesn't see yet is that he uses people to get what he needs.  I hope she does in time.

87. Kristin at Gun Club Visiting Mark

Kristin went to visit Mark again today.  I guess I should just get used to it as she feels as though she wants to help him.  However, I know first hand that someone that doesn't think there is anything wrong with them usually won't accept help.

I know it makes her feel better going there.  As I expressed a long time ago, Mark really has no one but us.  Now that he doesn't have me, the only one left is Kristin.  Now that I am in counseling I have learned only he is responsible for the predicament he is in.  It is not my fault.  I may still feel badly for him, but I didn't cause it and certainly cannot help him.  Kristin isn't to that point yet.

Kristin is an adult.  I have to let her make her own decisions.  I will admit it hurts to feel that my oldest daughter is an advocate for a man that has threatened to kill me and accused me of molesting her son.

Perhaps in time Kristin will realize he is the only person that can help himself.  Perhaps she will realize that most of the things he says are to benefit only him.

83. Packing Up the House

Megan and Claude were able to clean up all of the trash Mark had left.  They also have been boxing up my house.  Today is Sunday and Megan didn't have to work.  I had gone out there yesterday and dropped off more boxes.  I was shocked at how different the house looked.  They had packed up a ton of stuff and there were boxes stacked in the garage marked for him and me.  

When I left Saturday, Claude packed up the All-Safe van in our driveway with the boxes that belonged to me.  Today, both Megan and Claude followed me with Megan's car to my storage bin to unload all of the boxes and take the van to our shop.

81. Kristin Talked About Her Visit With Mark

Kristin actually talked to me for the first time today about her visit with Mark on Saturday. She was the one that started the conversation, so I guess she wanted to talk about it.  She told me all about going to see him.

She also admitted that it's very hard on her, because it seems like every man that was her "dad" has verbally abused her. She seem to want so much for him to be okay, for her daddy to be okay.

Kristin told me Mark is in the senior area. So, it's pretty safe.  He told her to tell me, " Tell your mom I love & miss her."  She isn't supposed to do that.  I let this time slide, because it's the first time she has talked to me about him.

73. Tears and Anger

• I have had only one counseling appointment.  In that first session she told me she was going to teach me to stop blaming myself for the things Mark has done.  I'm looking forward to that, because lI woke up at least five times last night.   After seeing Mark like that yesterday, it was very depressing. The guilt creeped in.  I was in tears most of the night.  
  

  
  I hate to admit that it was a bit helpful to me to know that Chris felt the very same way.  When we got to work he told me that he woke up several times during the night after seeing Mark like that.
  
  

  This morning at work Mark's brother Bruce called me at work.  He told me that Mark had called him after court yesterday.  Mark told his brother that "Diana is going to be arrested soon for the Discover fraud."  I think believe I previously told you about how Mark had cancelled my card right after I left.  Then he ordered a new one to be sent to the house (where I do not live) and started using the card in my name.  Mark then reported me to Discover for fraud.

72. Gun Club Hearing

• 
  

  I'm pretty sure you already figured out that I didn't sleep at all last night.  I kept waking up in a panic about the hearing I knew I had to be at today.  I kept thinking and wondering if I would have to see Mark.  I so did not want to go to this.
  
  This hearing was only for the City of Riveria Beach charges.  It had nothing to do with the stalking charges against me.
  
  Detective Rott showed up at our shop about 8:15 AM.  The first thing I asked him is if Mark would be there.  He told me, "Most likely."  At that very moment I felt like I was going to throw up.
  
  The detective had told us yesterday that we needed at least two of us to go.  I assumed it would be Chris to go with me.  But, it seems last night, him and Kristin got into a HUGE fight about the hearing.  Kristin felt that we shouldn't go at all.  She believed that we were "bullying" Mark by going to the hearing and allowing more charges to be filed.
  
  

70. Sunny Forecast Turns to Stormy

My day started out so great. Started off feeling on top of the world. It was my youngest Megan's 29th birthday.  She had to work.  So, I decided to treat myself instead.

I had an appointment to go and get my hair cut.  In the middle of my appointment, Len called (the one that took Jet and Mark) called my cell.. He said "We have some things to talk about," so I told him I'd have to call back later.

When I was done with my hair I went to 2 gun places. Neither had the gun Dixie told me about. Then I asked about lessons. He said 1 class is $50 for 1 hour, plus gun rental if you don't have one, plus the cost of the range. I left with nothing. It was very disheartening.

59. My Estranged Husband the Cyber Stalker

Mark calls my cell phone non-stop.  He also calls Kristin's house phone and her cell phone as well. We had to unplug the home phone so Matthew won't hear his vile messages. We also had to call block our work phones yesterday as he was calling every line non-stop.  After we put the block on, Mark called 911.  He told the police something had to be wrong because we were not picking up. When the police came we had to explain what was going on.  The officer told me there was nothing he could do and I should think about a no contact order.

When you are reading / listening to these, keep in mind I did not respond to him either by phone, email, or Facebook.

Mark Walter messages to Diana Walter's cell phone
Friday, March 01, 2013 @ 8:30 AM
>> Recording Link <<

Hey, did my registration come in? Because, I have to go to Stuar.. Miami today.  And, uh I, I don't have a valid registration and you were going to fix that for me.  And, and I didn't hear back from ya.  So, can you call me please?  I need help. Thank you.

[recording ends]  

Mark Walter messages to Diana Walter's cell phone
Friday, March 1, 2013 @ 3:23 PM
>> Recording Link <<

I suggest you unblock me from my company.   And, I suggest you don't try to use those credit cards, or you will be arrested.

[recording ends]  

56. And Why Would Tuesday Be Any Better?

I held my breath this morning to see what today would be like.  Imagine my surprise to get to work to this email after the abuse of yesterday:

51. Happy Valentines Day, I Guess

Nothing else to see here...move along...

46. Superwoman, Packing and Storing

I had planned for a week to go to my house on Thursday to get as much as I could before Mark was 'served.'  So, on Tuesday I rented a 5x10 storage shed.  They had a special that gave you a truck with your first rental for free.  I was happy about the free rental. I need to save money wherever I can right now.

I had not told Mark ahead of time that Megan and I were coming out.  On Wednesday, the before we were scheduled to go there I started receiving emails from Mark:

43. The Beginning of the End...

http://www.familylawwpb.com/

Chris's mom left today to fly to Tucson.  His sister is visiting there, so she is meeting her and her husband for a few days before they all fly back to Australia.  Chris came in later after driving her to the Ft. Lauderdale airport.

Mark's rescheduled psychiatrist appointment was today.  I told myself this one is "make or break."  I wanted to see if he could be put on disability.  I kind of assumed he would call me and tell me that he cancelled it again.  Instead, he called me to tell me that he needed a ride.

Remember his car isn't running, he still doesn't have his drivers license, and his work van probably wouldn't make it without breaking down.  Honestly, I didn't even want him to try to drive his van.  If he were to get into an accident in the All-Safe van we most likely would be sued.  So, like the great little enabler that I am I agreed to drive out there.  I told him I would be there by 12:45ish.  His appointment was at 1:30.

32.The Longest Night From Hell (Part 2)

Friday Evening, December 28, 2012

As I stated in The Longest Day From Hell (Part 1), I was incredibly exhausted and couldn't wait to just go home and not think anymore.

My friend Dixie called me as I was driving home.  When I answered the phone she said, "Diana, are you OK???"  I immediately responded, "Did Mark do something?"  If you remember, Dixie was the one that called me the first morning after I left Mark.  She was the one that informed me he had killed my parrot.  She told me that Mark had contacted Wade on Facebook (Dixie, Wade and I are BFF's on Facebook - yes I know that sounds silly, but we are).

29. Christmas 2012 - The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (Part 2)

If you decided to venture in to the darkness and read this page get some Pepto Bismol ready.  Keep in mind what you are about to read was happening all throughout the day.  Facebook messages and text messages show up on my phone.  However, quite a bit of what happened today I didn't see until much later as I had turned my phone off to keep my sanity.

27. An Interesting Sunday...

Jet

Chris, Kristin, Matty and I spent the day shopping yesterday.  It was a nice 'day off'' from the thoughts and feelings that constantly fill me.

As with what usually happens after being away from Mark for quiet some time I begin to get sad.  I feel sorry for him and can't help feeling I am partly the source of his sorrow.  I realize that is the enabler in me wanting to help and 'fix' him.  It isn't healthy.  I know this.  It's very hard to change how you feel.

Against my better judgement I decided to drive out there today to check the house, my puppy and my cat.  I quite honestly wanted to check on him as well.  

26. The Christmas Party

We closed the shop early today.  Chris and I took the guys to the Yard House for a Christmas lunch.  We all had a nice time, but it was difficult for me.  The whole time they talked about Mark.

Don't get me wrong, they have every right to discuss how they are feeling.  It's just when I hear them bash Mark saying things like, "we could make this company something great," I get annoyed.  Our employees are good workers.  But, I am confident that they have no clue what it takes to actually run the business.  Mark poured blood, sweat and tears for the past 30 years in this company.  Now, I do understand, when the manic episodes happen he is a huge detriment to the company.  However, as long as our employees get their paycheck, I don't wish to hear their 2 cents on how the company should be run.

25. The Never Ending Roller Coaster

WELCOME TO MY LIFE