I understand now that my husband is very manipulative. Perhaps I really have known this for a long time, but just closed my eyes to it. But, in reality it has become very clear to me since I have been away from him and not in the middle of the madness.
But, my heart still rules my head a lot of the time. I cannot help but think about my husband of almost two decades being so sick and all alone. When I close my eyes I picture him scared, lonely, confused and not understanding why this is happening. On the one hand, I want to hold him and tell him everything is going to be OK. I want to beg him to take his meds and he will get better. I also want to shake him hard to try to shake some sense into him.
I know all of you on the outside looking in are SCREAMING at me. Diana just get it over with! File for divorce already! I hear you. I understand you. I want to. You have to understand that I am very scared. I will be 53 years old in 18 days.
If I were 34, like when I met Mark, it wouldn't be quite as scary. It was so very easy for me to find a job back then. I got every job I applied for when I moved to Florida. I moved around to several jobs until I found the perfect one at Suffolk Construction as their Accounting Manager. I loved that job. I only left it because Mark asked me to come to work for him. I told him I thought it was a very bad idea. He honestly begged me to work there. That, coupled with the fact of working for your own business, was rather exciting. I have been at All-Safe for over 12 years now.
I only make $36K at All-Safe. I have never taken a raise. But, the reason I haven't is that All-Safe has paid most of our expenses all of these years. The company pays for my cell phone, gas, life insurance, medical insurance, dental insurance, vehicle maintenance, car payment, registration and when we are doing super well even vacations.
At my first meeting with my attorney she had said that I had "hit the magic number" of 17 years. Mark and I have been together 18 years and married for 17. In Florida, a 17 year marriage means 'permanent alimony'. She said I would also qualify for 'rehabilitative alimony' to allow me to go back to school to learn a new field.
However, I will point the problem with all of this to you as I pointed it out to her. Mark has not been working since I left him. Chris and I have been running the company solely in Mark's absence. We actually are doing very well since he isn't there to raid the account. But, when I file for divorce, I have no doubts the company will go under. None of the guys want to work with him anymore. They will most likely find jobs at other companies. And, to be perfectly honest, Mark can't work! He is not in his right mind. So, what good is permanent, or even rehabilitative alimony when more then likely I will never get a dime?
So, as you know I have been in this motel now for six days. It's just me here, my dog Bailey and my bird Muffin. I have a lot of time to think. Sometimes when you think all alone you come up with ideas. Some are good, some not so good. But, at least I had some ideas.
After cleaning today I took Mark out to eat. I wanted to 'spring my idea' on him. I knew it was a long shot, but at least it was worth the shot. Remember, today he is in his "Dr. Jekyl" mode. I figured now was the best time to him about my idea. During dinner I laid out my plan:
1. We would talk to Dr. Agresti about helping with the steps to get Mark on permanent disability (bi-polar disorder does qualify for disability).
2. Mark would sign over his stock in All-Safe to me (51%) and Chris would get 44%. Cliff (and old employee of ours) still has 5%. All-Safe would qualify as a minority business, allowing all kinds of perks/deductions for being majority owned by a woman.
3. Mark would understand that he would no longer be able to drive an All-Safe van and he would not be involved with the company in any way, including decision making.
4. We would keep Mark on All-Safe's medical insurance and he would keep his cell-phone and gas card, etc. paid by the company.
5. I would agree to move back in with him (once the house is sold) into an apartment or condo, but ONLY if he attends every single psychiatrist appointment and therapy appointment as well as take his meds as prescribed. This part would be a long shot, but I would like him to quit drinking as well.
6. Mark and I would make a "post-nuptial" agreement laying out all of the division of property, business, building, etc,. if this all didn't work out. This would prevent a lengthy and costly divorce if things went downhill.
I presented all of this to him during dinner. I put it in such a way to let him know that he would virtually be retired. I told him he could do his wood working, or golf, or garden. I tried to present it in a positive light and to let him know that I made sure I had his best interests at heart. Guess what? He was ALL FOR IT! I was really quite shocked, but then again, I did realize I was talking to "Dr. Jekyl" and realized once Mr. Hyde heard about all of this things could go south. But, for now, he was totally in agreement and seemed happy about it.
We drove home and I cleaned for another hour. I left about 10:00 PM and headed back to the motel. I was pretty excited about all of this. Maybe, just maybe I had come up with a good idea! We'll see.
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