79. Apartment Hunting and Jail Visits

I'll take door #1 Alex!

Last night Kristin berated me again.  I  really don't post too much the things she says to me, because it is very hurtful.  She is so very very sweet to everyone.  And, most of the time she is sweet to me too.  But, there are many times she takes the opportunity to 'talk down to me' and I just don't know what to say or do.

Did she learn this from Mark?  Perhaps.  Or, perhaps she learned it earlier on.  I honestly don't know.  What I do know is I love her unconditionally.  So, when she makes me feel stupid, or scolds me like a parent would a child I just clam up.  I am terrified to say what is on my mind and destroy our relationship.

What I do know is she feels sorry for Mark.  I felt sorry for him too for a very long time.  There was a point I would have done anything to help him.  And, he refused that help.  In turn, he worked on any way to bankrupt us and then threatened my life.  I am done feeling sorry for him.  He did this, not me.

A few nights ago, Kristin had made a comment when I was trying to help her put dinner on the table, "What is wrong with you.  Why DON'T YOU LISTEN to me.  I already TOLD you that was Matty's dinner!"  And, after dinner, she didn't like the way I washed the dishes.  I wasn't doing it the way she 'does it.'  This goes on quite a bit.  But, mostly when she has talked to someone about Mark.  She lashes out and I am the target.

Today I decided I would just go look around at apartments for fun.  I wanted to see how much rent would be and what they looked like. Kristin said she had a previous engagement.  At the time I had no idea where she was going.  She didn't say and I didn't ask.  So,  I went apartment hunting alone.  It was fun.

I got back and Kristin got home about an hour after I did.  I found out from Chris that she had gone to see Mark at the jail.  I realize she is an adult and has no reason to tell me what her plans are.  However, she is my child.  Wouldn't you think she just might share this with me?  I guess to Kristin it really isn't my business.

She never said a word to me about her visit today.  I never asked her about it as well.  I suppose I need to start getting used to the fact that she is going to do whatever she can to help Mark, despite my feelings.  She also refuses to go to counseling.

I know I need to move.  I just need to get my head to that point.  I am just not there yet.