109. Mark's Bond Hearing - Take 1

I slept pretty well last night considering I knew Mark's bail hearing was happening this morning.  I only woke up once in the middle of the night.  It was when I got up at 6 AM that my trouble started.  I felt nauseous and started throwing up.  I know it is was just stress.

Joe, Pat and I were all meeting at Chris's house at 7:30 AM.  Pat didn't show up until 7:45 which made my stomach feel worse.  We all were riding together to be at the hearing so we didn't have any choice but to wait.  Pat drove us all to the courthouse in his car.  We made it just as court was starting at 8:30 AM.

Judge Rapp was supposed to be the judge.  He was the judge at Gun Club Hearing back in March that called Mark's message "scary" and gave him no bond.  Judge Rapp wasn't there. Another judge was doing the cases today.  I was bummed about that.

72. Gun Club Hearing

• 
  

  I'm pretty sure you already figured out that I didn't sleep at all last night.  I kept waking up in a panic about the hearing I knew I had to be at today.  I kept thinking and wondering if I would have to see Mark.  I so did not want to go to this.
  
  This hearing was only for the City of Riveria Beach charges.  It had nothing to do with the stalking charges against me.
  
  Detective Rott showed up at our shop about 8:15 AM.  The first thing I asked him is if Mark would be there.  He told me, "Most likely."  At that very moment I felt like I was going to throw up.
  
  The detective had told us yesterday that we needed at least two of us to go.  I assumed it would be Chris to go with me.  But, it seems last night, him and Kristin got into a HUGE fight about the hearing.  Kristin felt that we shouldn't go at all.  She believed that we were "bullying" Mark by going to the hearing and allowing more charges to be filed.
  
  

48. The Day After

As I stated in my final thoughts last night, I wanted to wait to respond to Mark's request to go to a marriage counselor.  I wasn't sure I wanted to respond at all.  I decided I would.

47. You've Been Served...

I didn't sleep well last night as usual.  I actually had several nightmares throughout the night.  I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen once Mark was served his divorce papers.  Trust me, he has no clue that this is coming.

Oh sure, he was sitting there when his psychiatrist 'told me to file'.  And, I have no doubts his brother called him after Kristin talked to him and told him I was planning to file.  But, after receiving Facebook messages like this on Tuesday, it makes me believe he doesn't think it will happen:

43. The Beginning of the End...

http://www.familylawwpb.com/

Chris's mom left today to fly to Tucson.  His sister is visiting there, so she is meeting her and her husband for a few days before they all fly back to Australia.  Chris came in later after driving her to the Ft. Lauderdale airport.

Mark's rescheduled psychiatrist appointment was today.  I told myself this one is "make or break."  I wanted to see if he could be put on disability.  I kind of assumed he would call me and tell me that he cancelled it again.  Instead, he called me to tell me that he needed a ride.

Remember his car isn't running, he still doesn't have his drivers license, and his work van probably wouldn't make it without breaking down.  Honestly, I didn't even want him to try to drive his van.  If he were to get into an accident in the All-Safe van we most likely would be sued.  So, like the great little enabler that I am I agreed to drive out there.  I told him I would be there by 12:45ish.  His appointment was at 1:30.

24. Psychiatrists, Testosterone, Mania, Oh My!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Today started out so well.  I slept pretty good last night because Kristin gave me one of her pills she has to help her sleep.  I slept through the night and didn't wake up until about 6 A.M.

I was in a good mood all morning.  I knew Mark's therapy appointment was today.  He wasn't scheduled to see Dr. Agresti, but still he would see a therapist.  His appointment was at 3 P.M.  Work was very busy, so the day flew by.  About 1:30 Mark text messaged me that I needed to come get him because he was too busy to drive.  I didn't see the text until around 2 P.M.  In the mean time, he sent a few more texts after that sort of reasoning with himself.  He convinced himself he could drive and would meet me there at 2:45.

23. Manic Monday...

Monday, December 17, 2012

Yesterday, I pretty much laid out to Mark what I expected him to do. <--WOW, that sounded SO strong didn't it?  Too bad I can't always be that way.

I still didn't sleep well last night.  I keep waking up. Even so, I was pleased to see a Facebook message when I got up from Mark in response to my 'ultimatum' that said:

19. Slowly Pulling Myself Out of the Abyss

Friday, December 14, 2012

Today was incredibly busy at work as the entire week had been.  I did not sleep well last night after my ordeal with Mark.  I woke up at least 3 times.  My nerves are definitely shot.  I don't know how to describe how I feel expect to say that my entire body feels like a large open wound that hurts all of the time.  Sometimes I can get used to it.  Most of the time I can't.  Sometimes I burst out in tears at the most inappropriate times.  I have had to excuse myself to customers far too often in the past week.  Today was no exception.  I cried most of the day.

18. Remote Access, Throwing Change and Comcast Caring...

Thursday, December 13, 2012

I didn't feel like writing yesterday.  It isn't that 'something' hasn't happened.    It's just when I write, I have to relive the events of that day.  It is so very tiring and frustrating to do this. Other times it is a release just to make sure I remember everything that happened. Sometimes I write and just don't publish until later.  I guess that's why I am writing today.  I do not want to forget what happened tonight.

16. The Doctor is In

Monday, December 10, 2012

This week at work is incredibly busy.  We are booked almost every single day.  Chris and Pat have a huge access control job to work on.  Joe is the only technician I have available to send on jobs, since Mark is out still.

There was a CD that came in the mail this morning.  It has Mark's name as the addressee, but all of our packages have his name.  There was no return address on the envelope.  There was no invoice.  I opened it and inside the CD sticker said, "PDF converter professional 8."  I had no idea what this was for. I Googled the name and found out it costs anywhere from $80 to $100.

15. A Glutton For Punishment

Sunday, December 9, 2012

I know, I know.  After the ordeal I went through yesterday there is no doubt everyone is saying, "Phew! There is no way she will -ever- go back there!"  Yeah, well...

The entire evening Saturday night I was feeling so incredibly guilty for calling him an asshole.  I knew I hadn't said it to his face, but I also knew Rick probably had told him what I said.  When he didn't call, or try to contact me on Facebook all evening or this morning I honestly began to worry.  It isn't that I 'want' him to.  He just 'always' does.  When he doesn't my mind goes crazy.  What if he drown in the pool?  What if he fell and is all alone with no help?  What if...  My mind was just racing with terrible thoughts.

13. (Not So) Happy 17th Anniversary

Friday, December 7, 2012

I went to bed at 11 P.M. last night.  Most people would find this 'normal' and in some cases even late. It is about three hours early for me.  My sleeping habits were rearranged over the years.  Mark used to fall asleep no later then 9 P.M. on the couch.  I would stay in my office and do Facebook, Twitter and read.  About 11 P.M. I knew it was safe to go out to watch my recorded shows.  Of course, Mark always woke up anyway, crack open a beer and begin to ridicule what I was watching.  We would argue and he'd finally go to bed. 

12. Stupid Boy - The Psychiatrist Didn't Go So Well...

"So what made you think you could take a life

And just push it, push it around?

I guess to build yourself up so high

You had to take her and break her down..."

Thursday, December 6, 2012 

I didn't sleep well last night.  I tossed and turned most of the night.  I guess the stress of knowing I had to see Mark the next day really got to me.  On the one hand I was excited as I wanted to believe the psychiatrist can help him - make him 'better' - on the other hand, I have to be near him.

9. Let's Make This A Family Event!

It seems Mark is "friending" all of Chris's family in Australia and talking to as many people as he can about our situation.  I'd say that is great, except he is manic and not seeing reality.

My sister emailed me their Facebook Conversation from Saturday in to Sunday:

Saturday, December 1, 2012

3:20pm