Sunday, December 9, 2012
I know, I know. After the ordeal I went through yesterday there is no doubt everyone is saying, "Phew! There is no way she will -ever- go back there!" Yeah, well...
The entire evening Saturday night I was feeling so incredibly guilty for calling him an asshole. I knew I hadn't said it to his face, but I also knew Rick probably had told him what I said. When he didn't call, or try to contact me on Facebook all evening or this morning I honestly began to worry. It isn't that I 'want' him to. He just 'always' does. When he doesn't my mind goes crazy. What if he drown in the pool? What if he fell and is all alone with no help? What if... My mind was just racing with terrible thoughts.
The kids and I went to lunch down in West Palm. When we got home it was after 1 P.M. I was supposed to be at our house by noon. I kept thinking, I had promised him I would come over on Sunday. Yesterday he actually thought he told me Sunday. Maybe he is just assuming I will be there today? Oh Diana, keep right on trying to justify everything going on. I continued the excuses and worry and finally just decided I would go there and make sure he was OK. I know, stupid.
I drove out there and parked outside the gate. I didn't want to pull in the driveway. I wanted to make sure if I had to make a fast exit that my car was not stuck behind a gate. I walked down the driveway and into the house. The painters were not there today. I walked through the kitchen and the mounds of 'junk' he has piled up everywhere. I walked past the shredded paper scattered throughout the den all the way into the bedroom. Mark came around the corner as I got near the bedroom.
When Mark saw me he ran over and hugged me and started to cry. He said, "I didn't think you were coming over." I told him, "I wasn't sure I was going to." I could tell he was still manic, but he was more depressed today then 'flying out of control.' He wanted to go to lunch, but I told him I had already eaten. He took me room to room to 'show me what he has done.' Honestly, I couldn't really see anything except junk piled everywhere. It was very apparent that he has been going through my stuff. He mentioned he found my old photo albums from when I was young and put them in a closet to be safe.
Since Mark seemed to be calm at the moment I decided this was a good time to try to approach the Jacuzzi situation once again. I asked him where the manual was. He told me it was in the kitchen. I found the book in a pile on the kitchen counter. When I walked out to the Jacuzzi the temperature said 101 degrees. It most likely had been running at that for days. I read the manual and turned the Jacuzzi down to 80.
Mark seemed to be preoccupied with his computer. He said he couldn't connect to the internet, but would figure it out. In the meantime he told me if I should 'clean out the hall closet near the kitchen.' He said the painters planned to paint in there. He told me he thought I might want to go through the stuff in there. I can't say I felt like that was a threat, but I figured I better see what was in there. I got a big black trash bag. Most of the stuff was junk I just saved for no good reason. I threw most everything away except pictures.
Mark asked me if I would run up to grab something to eat at Kokomo's after I finished cleaning out the closet. He told me he hasn't eaten in two days. I have no idea if that's the truth, but I wasn't going to argue with him. The restaurant is only 2 miles away. I needed a few things from the pet shop anyway which is next door. Kristin called me right before we left the house. I could tell she wasn't liking the fact that not only was I still there, but now we were going to a restaurant. I told her I would leave if things got bad.
When we got to the shopping center we went to the pet shop first. The owner Todd is a nice guy. We have known him for about ten years. In fact, his shop was where Little Muffin was bought. We went in and I visited Marvin Grey, Todd's African Grey who loves me, while Mark got Jet his food. They didn't have the bar I needed for Big Muffin's cage. I could tell that Mark was starting to get more manic the longer we were in there.
Mark mentioned to Todd that he wasn't saving the tags or receipts from the dog food anymore. It was too much trouble. But, he said, you have my receipts in there somewhere (pointing at the cash register) then he grabbed the food. As he was walking out Todd said, "Mark I cannot keep track of your purchases. I can't give you the discounts without the receipts and bag coupons. " Mark was already walking out the door with the food. I stayed and paid for the food. Todd said, "When Mark was in here earlier this week he got a toy for Jet, but didn't have the money to pay for it." I told him to just add it to the bill. Then I paid and went into the restaurant.
Mark ordered soup, a sandwich and a beer. I just ordered a drink. He told the waitress he was famished and needed the soup right away. She did go get him soup. But, as usual at this restaurant, the food took forever to come. Mark became very perturbed after about 25 minutes. He went up to where the cook was and said, "This has taken too long." He got up and left. I insisted on staying to pay for the drinks and his soup. Mark's food came while I was sitting there waiting for the bill. The waitress boxed it up for me. I paid for everything and took his food with me to the car.
We drove back to the house. I carried his food inside and then handed it to him. I realized he had left his dog food in the trunk of my car so I ran out to get it. I put the food inside the front door. He has walked around to the garage. He must have thought I had left without saying anything. I explained I had gone to get the dog food from the car. Then I hugged him and walked to my car.
Today was pretty calm compared to yesterday. Mark is still manic. I'm quite sure he is not taking his meds, but I have no way to know. It is rather strange each time I leave 'my house' and drive 'home.' I will be honest and tell you it felt good to go 'home.'
No comments:
Post a Comment